My last day working at the prison was Sat, June 27. It was a very quiet day. I am so relieved except for the money part. Looks like my vehicle needs to go back in for service something is wrong and I am frightened by how much it's going to cost me this time.
It is nice to be able to look forward to being home with KK.
Life is good even without the mula.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
"short timer's disease"...
Two more days at the prison and I no longer work there. Hurray, no more babysitting grown men, which is disgusting. The prison lingo is that I have what's called "short timer's disease." Which seems appropriate. I had several problems last night with offenders plus I was really mean too. One guy kept asking me the same question and then interrupting me when he didn't get the answer he wanted. I told him not to be so rude interrupting me. He said I was just repeating the same answer. I informed him what does he expect when he asks the same question just rephrased differently.
Boy, do I hate that when people do that. I notice its mostly young people or criminals who do it when they don't get the answer they want. They think they can just wear you down until you answer they way they want. It must work (but not with me) since they always are doing it. I happen to mean what I say and stand by it. I used to punish my kid when she did that to me so she learned not to do it.
Then I had another offender wanting me to make copies from a book that would have kept me from checking out books and notary. I told him to come back in the morning when there is a clerk who can do the copying. He got mad and told me its only 35 pages and I said that's a lot and it takes time. Which it does when its all in a book. If I could just run it through the feeder I wouldn't mind. He got mad and left. Criminals are so rude. They always know when they are inconvenienced and rarely notice if they inconvenience others. Isn't that the way it is?...
My law clerk Mr. Fr got thrown in the "SHU" (pronounced shoe) (stands for Segregated Housing Unit). He is the nicest guy but has a lot of problems with the other offenders. We talked about why he has problems once and I agree with him. He is a nice looking guy and also has a nice attitude for someone who is in prison. The other offenders don't like it and are insecure with someone who is pleasant. Anyway Mr. Fr got his foot broken by another guy. Mr. Fr said they were just horsin' around. I spoke with Mr. McC and he said he doesn't think so, I agree now since Mr. Fr is in the SHU because him and the same guy got into a fight. Its too bad I think this messes up Frs parole now. And now I have no law clerk. ugh. Mr. McC helped me put away the computers, which helped.
TWO MORE DAYS!!!
Boy, do I hate that when people do that. I notice its mostly young people or criminals who do it when they don't get the answer they want. They think they can just wear you down until you answer they way they want. It must work (but not with me) since they always are doing it. I happen to mean what I say and stand by it. I used to punish my kid when she did that to me so she learned not to do it.
Then I had another offender wanting me to make copies from a book that would have kept me from checking out books and notary. I told him to come back in the morning when there is a clerk who can do the copying. He got mad and told me its only 35 pages and I said that's a lot and it takes time. Which it does when its all in a book. If I could just run it through the feeder I wouldn't mind. He got mad and left. Criminals are so rude. They always know when they are inconvenienced and rarely notice if they inconvenience others. Isn't that the way it is?...
My law clerk Mr. Fr got thrown in the "SHU" (pronounced shoe) (stands for Segregated Housing Unit). He is the nicest guy but has a lot of problems with the other offenders. We talked about why he has problems once and I agree with him. He is a nice looking guy and also has a nice attitude for someone who is in prison. The other offenders don't like it and are insecure with someone who is pleasant. Anyway Mr. Fr got his foot broken by another guy. Mr. Fr said they were just horsin' around. I spoke with Mr. McC and he said he doesn't think so, I agree now since Mr. Fr is in the SHU because him and the same guy got into a fight. Its too bad I think this messes up Frs parole now. And now I have no law clerk. ugh. Mr. McC helped me put away the computers, which helped.
TWO MORE DAYS!!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
one day at a time...
I got the duty of informing the family down south. So Monday evening (June 22) I called Aunt E and told her. She was very sad to hear that G was gone. I learned she has been dealing with bladder cancer since Dec 08, which must be difficult. She then told me to call dad. I was hoping she would volunteer to do it but I got the honors.
I called Dad's number and it didn't go through. I think it got picked up and then hung up. I called back and R (dad's wife) answered. I informed her who I was and asked to speak to dad. She said he was asleep and wasn't going to wake him. I said ok I'll just tell you then. So I let her know about G. She said WHAAAT??? Then she told me to hold on and got dad up. (it took awhile).
I said hey dad I hear your are getting old??? He said yeah I am! who is this? I told him it was me, L, your daughter. He didn't seem to understand. I then told him that G had passed away. He said no that can't be; I just spoke with him today. I said no G passed June 8. I kept repeating my name and Gs name so he would understand. Because I didn't want him to think it was one of his other sons that had passed. He then said no, no and started weeping. I told him G was gone and to take care and then I hung up.
It sounded like he had had a stroke or something but I don't know. I had not spoken with dad for 12 years. Aunt E later confirmed with Mom that he has had a stroke. Plus he drinks so I'm sure both cannot be good for him.
I guess he did understand as he called Aunt E (his sister) at 2am Tues because he was so upset and spoke to her about it.
I am going to send a DVD of the video pictures of Gs life to Aunt E. Mom feels that dad abandoned his beautiful family for other stuff so if he wants one he will have to make an effort to obtain one. He'll have to ask for one or get Aunt E to copy hers.
...and life goes on one day at a time.
I called Dad's number and it didn't go through. I think it got picked up and then hung up. I called back and R (dad's wife) answered. I informed her who I was and asked to speak to dad. She said he was asleep and wasn't going to wake him. I said ok I'll just tell you then. So I let her know about G. She said WHAAAT??? Then she told me to hold on and got dad up. (it took awhile).
I said hey dad I hear your are getting old??? He said yeah I am! who is this? I told him it was me, L, your daughter. He didn't seem to understand. I then told him that G had passed away. He said no that can't be; I just spoke with him today. I said no G passed June 8. I kept repeating my name and Gs name so he would understand. Because I didn't want him to think it was one of his other sons that had passed. He then said no, no and started weeping. I told him G was gone and to take care and then I hung up.
It sounded like he had had a stroke or something but I don't know. I had not spoken with dad for 12 years. Aunt E later confirmed with Mom that he has had a stroke. Plus he drinks so I'm sure both cannot be good for him.
I guess he did understand as he called Aunt E (his sister) at 2am Tues because he was so upset and spoke to her about it.
I am going to send a DVD of the video pictures of Gs life to Aunt E. Mom feels that dad abandoned his beautiful family for other stuff so if he wants one he will have to make an effort to obtain one. He'll have to ask for one or get Aunt E to copy hers.
...and life goes on one day at a time.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Gs memorial service...
Yesterday's memorial service went well. Over 300 people came. Imagine if it had been on a weekend. The whole town would have showed up. KK played her cello and did a wonderful job. She was sobbing in the end. I am so proud of her. She played the Avriel Laviegne song "slipped away." KK did not have the music for it and listened to her cd she had of it and figured out the notes that way.
C and N spoke of G too. Cs speach was eloquent and moving. N repeated himself too much. I know he was upset.
The video that A put together was wonderful. I was lucky enough to be walking with her later and asked for a copy and got one as she had made a few copies. I went home and watched it over and over. I went over to mom's too and we watched it together. Tonight we will go over to my great aunt's home and watch it with her. We also need to obtain the two songs written by G and recorded by Gl. I think one of the songs G actually sings but I am not certain.
On Sunday June 21, the whole family was able to go over to Dr. Ps home and see all of the work that G did in his home. Every closet every cabinet, the kitchen the stair railing, the entry way and door, mulitple work desks, his bed & nightstands, and the first piece of furniture that G altered for the doctor. The best thing was hearing Dr. P talk about my brother. He spoke about how G was not of this world. That G has done more in 45 years than most people do in a lifetime. That G was the smartest person he had ever known and Dr. P is a genius himself.
He also said that everyone with asauphagial (sp?) cancer does not live longer than 1-3months, yes months, and for him to live 9 & 1/2yrs with it is one for the record books. There has been no exceptions to this until G. With G after 5yrs it went away, which has never happened. It is a rare cancer although it is common in the Caspian Sea, which I thought was an interesting fact. It is a vicious aggressive uncurable cancer. My brother's case will be spoken about for years to come. When Dr P speaks with his colleages about G they do not believe him. G has helped with research.
Mom called me last night and informed me that I get the honor to tell dad and Aunt E. I called Aunt E and told her. She was shocked. I told her the whole story. I then got the honors of telling Dad. R (his wife) answered. At first she wouldn't let me speak to him as he was asleep. Dad is so out of it. He is really bad. I don't think he understood it was G that had passed or that it was me who was speaking to him. I kept repeating it was me his daughter and that G had passed. He said he just spoke with him. I said no. I think he thought it was his other sons I was speaking about. Neither here nor there. I tried and its done now.
I miss you G. Mom misses you G. KK misses you G.
C and N spoke of G too. Cs speach was eloquent and moving. N repeated himself too much. I know he was upset.
The video that A put together was wonderful. I was lucky enough to be walking with her later and asked for a copy and got one as she had made a few copies. I went home and watched it over and over. I went over to mom's too and we watched it together. Tonight we will go over to my great aunt's home and watch it with her. We also need to obtain the two songs written by G and recorded by Gl. I think one of the songs G actually sings but I am not certain.
On Sunday June 21, the whole family was able to go over to Dr. Ps home and see all of the work that G did in his home. Every closet every cabinet, the kitchen the stair railing, the entry way and door, mulitple work desks, his bed & nightstands, and the first piece of furniture that G altered for the doctor. The best thing was hearing Dr. P talk about my brother. He spoke about how G was not of this world. That G has done more in 45 years than most people do in a lifetime. That G was the smartest person he had ever known and Dr. P is a genius himself.
He also said that everyone with asauphagial (sp?) cancer does not live longer than 1-3months, yes months, and for him to live 9 & 1/2yrs with it is one for the record books. There has been no exceptions to this until G. With G after 5yrs it went away, which has never happened. It is a rare cancer although it is common in the Caspian Sea, which I thought was an interesting fact. It is a vicious aggressive uncurable cancer. My brother's case will be spoken about for years to come. When Dr P speaks with his colleages about G they do not believe him. G has helped with research.
Mom called me last night and informed me that I get the honor to tell dad and Aunt E. I called Aunt E and told her. She was shocked. I told her the whole story. I then got the honors of telling Dad. R (his wife) answered. At first she wouldn't let me speak to him as he was asleep. Dad is so out of it. He is really bad. I don't think he understood it was G that had passed or that it was me who was speaking to him. I kept repeating it was me his daughter and that G had passed. He said he just spoke with him. I said no. I think he thought it was his other sons I was speaking about. Neither here nor there. I tried and its done now.
I miss you G. Mom misses you G. KK misses you G.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Fickle KK...
So first KK informed me she was sooo happy that I chose the flowers that I did. Now, she wants to change the colors on them. ugh.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Work, Work, Work...
All work and no play makes for a very bad day...
Last week I resigned from my night position at the prison. No more funny prison stories. It is such a relief that June 27 will be my last day. I can't wait. I already feel relief. I just hope that I can make it financially. Now for doing all the free things in the community and no more unecessary fun purchases.
Last week I resigned from my night position at the prison. No more funny prison stories. It is such a relief that June 27 will be my last day. I can't wait. I already feel relief. I just hope that I can make it financially. Now for doing all the free things in the community and no more unecessary fun purchases.
Ordered the flowers for G. KK had gone with mom the day before to help choose flowers and she brought home the pages that she liked. I ordered a red arrangement with white tiger lilies. The lady said that KK and mom were so cute together. KK was happy to find out that I ordered the red arrangement as that was her favorite. KK was a little nicer yesterday. Last night they went out to Cs to deliver pictures and put together a video. KK took her cello hoping to play with Gl. Gl is having a very hard time too. He was Gs best friend (one of them) . G had lots of best friends.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Flowers for G...
KK is being very difficult these days. I realize it is because she was so close to G. I just don't know what to do. I need to order flowers for the memorial service. I meant to do it Monday so I wouldn't forget, but I forgot. Will go today.
I now know why services are held quickly. Its for closure too. (not just a smelly body). Sorry to be so crude. Some things are best done soonest.
I now know why services are held quickly. Its for closure too. (not just a smelly body). Sorry to be so crude. Some things are best done soonest.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Llama Trek
June 13 & 14 went treking with llamas on a portion of the Colorado Trail. From Rasberry Gulch to Mt. Chumano trail head. 12 miles. The Salida,Colorado area. There were 13 of us from the ski club and the owner of Antero Llamas. He hires out and usually does not go on the overnight but made an exception for us as it was a good promotional thing for him. Very smart as there are over 400 members in the club and if they are not skiing they are hiking. It is beautiful in the Rockies and this year will be a record year for the wildflowers and berries. Next month will be even better. Enjoyed the hike and the beautiful landscape. Saturday night was a hoot around the campfire. Lots of laughter.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
G is gone...
G passed away at Monday, June 8, 2009 at 11:55am. Mom said he was very peaceful and didn't struggle. He just took a last shallow breath and passed. Mom and C were with him. It was as it should have been. K called me just as I walked back into work. I left work and K and I went out there. Got to see my brother for the last time. No more pain. I am happy for him and sad for us. A great man passed that day.
Tuesday and Wednesday stayed home from work. I am very sad. Now people have the "I didn't get to say goodbye like I wanted to" stories. Ugh. very irritating.
Tuesday M from the Gazette called the funeral home and informed them that the obit was taken care of. G left a legacy of treating eveyone fairly. There is no telling how many people will show up to his memorial service. I think a lot more than C and mom plan. G touched everyone and everyone liked him.
Mom is doing well with her loss. C looks good too. Kit Kat is having a hard time and has spent the past 2nights with mom. I don't like how KK treats me when she has been with Grammy. I wish the enabling on each others parts would stop. I guess nothing ever changes when everything changes.
Tuesday and Wednesday stayed home from work. I am very sad. Now people have the "I didn't get to say goodbye like I wanted to" stories. Ugh. very irritating.
Tuesday M from the Gazette called the funeral home and informed them that the obit was taken care of. G left a legacy of treating eveyone fairly. There is no telling how many people will show up to his memorial service. I think a lot more than C and mom plan. G touched everyone and everyone liked him.
Mom is doing well with her loss. C looks good too. Kit Kat is having a hard time and has spent the past 2nights with mom. I don't like how KK treats me when she has been with Grammy. I wish the enabling on each others parts would stop. I guess nothing ever changes when everything changes.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Friday June 5, Sat June 6, Sun June 7
K and I went out to see G on Friday night. He was not as panicked. C and mom are very tired. They each try to spend as much time with G as possible. N recommended a nurse come out on a daily basis so mom and C could get some rest.
Saturday June 6, K and I went out at night. G is in a lot of pain. Mom suggested that we come out the next day during the day so C and mom could maybe get some rest.
Sun, June 7. Got there at 9:40am. Sat with G all morning. He had the hiccups for 20 minutes. Its very painful for him. He works up a sweat sleeping because his body is always twitching. He is exhausted. Mom slept some--not much. C took a nap too. K and I went to the store for them. Then the twins arrived and D and his wife came out too. K and I left. There were lots of people and decided that too much was going on for them.
Mon, June 8. Will go out tonight. mom mentioned that she believes this will be Gs last week. He is in a lot of pain.
Saturday June 6, K and I went out at night. G is in a lot of pain. Mom suggested that we come out the next day during the day so C and mom could maybe get some rest.
Sun, June 7. Got there at 9:40am. Sat with G all morning. He had the hiccups for 20 minutes. Its very painful for him. He works up a sweat sleeping because his body is always twitching. He is exhausted. Mom slept some--not much. C took a nap too. K and I went to the store for them. Then the twins arrived and D and his wife came out too. K and I left. There were lots of people and decided that too much was going on for them.
Mon, June 8. Will go out tonight. mom mentioned that she believes this will be Gs last week. He is in a lot of pain.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday night
K and I went to visit G and family last night. I was so happy to see G. He looks really good. I sat there with a smile on my face practically the whole night. Mom, G, and most everyone else were acting as if G were already dead. It is a shame that they are all so wracked with worry and strife that the end of his life is going to be miserable for everyone when it should be a blessing. I wish I could do or say something that would put a stop to Gs anxiety attacks. No one is getting anywhere. His life should be a blessing not a curse. I don't know what to do. I know that it is impressed upon me to write things down for G. I don't know how to climb over the wall of worry that they all carry and encourage one another to have.
I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help.
I know what I have been impressed upon to do and I am not certain I am able to overcome the worry wall. I thought of visiting the priest on site. Where will I find an answer? Does anyone really have one?
J at work has encouraged me to fast and pray. Is that my answer?
I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help.
I know what I have been impressed upon to do and I am not certain I am able to overcome the worry wall. I thought of visiting the priest on site. Where will I find an answer? Does anyone really have one?
J at work has encouraged me to fast and pray. Is that my answer?
Monday, June 1, 2009
Alls well that ends well....Wed night fiasco...
While working Saturday at the Prison, one of the offenders that I had thrown out Wed night came back in on Saturday. He informed me that he had no intention of coming back after that Wed night because he was so mad at me. He told me that he had to wait a week to come to the library and he couldn't wait to come and check out books and then when he is finally able to come to the library he got thrown out. So he got really mad. He actually put out his hand and appologized to me. I accepted, and appologized as well (as I felt bad that I threw him out after learning that he had to wait so long before being able to come to the library). I also told him that his story was a funny story now. He agreed.
selfishness
I didn't do anything this weekend but take time for myself and not complete anything. On Friday, I worked my day job and came home and changed into "comfy" clothes and knitted. On Saturday, I worked my weekend/night job and came home and jumped into my "comfy" clothes and knitted. Had troubles with making a bobble so had to switch projects. Meanwhile my next door neighbor has mowed my front lawn. Too bad he didn't keep going and mow the back as well. I'll have to do something nice for him. My plan was to visit my brother but I was bad and stayed home instead.
On Sunday, tried to golf --- too long a wait so came home and mowed the back lawn. Took a shower and went bowling and then to knitting group. Hoping someone would show me how to knit a bobble. Eureka!! Someone knew how to knit a bobble. I was trying to knit all the increases together and then turn and you knit them seperately, turn several times after knitting and then knit the decreases. So now I know how to bobble. Thanks J!
People tell me its ok to be selfish. I don't believe them.
On Sunday, tried to golf --- too long a wait so came home and mowed the back lawn. Took a shower and went bowling and then to knitting group. Hoping someone would show me how to knit a bobble. Eureka!! Someone knew how to knit a bobble. I was trying to knit all the increases together and then turn and you knit them seperately, turn several times after knitting and then knit the decreases. So now I know how to bobble. Thanks J!
People tell me its ok to be selfish. I don't believe them.
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