So how do you tell...

KK is gearing up to enter the Air Force Academy. Today she takes her AFES test (whatever that is).

Took T to Urgent Care on Sunday -- due to stupid gene factor. Totally avoidable.
The choice made was due to not wanting to miss out on football get together with friends.
Haven't spoken to T since --due to mad gene factor.

Last night spoke to T and as he is house sitting; his dog killed their dog. Tragic, absolutely tragic and totally avoidable. He did not kennel his dog when he needed to leave to take care of another animal.

So how do you tell someone that your dog killed their dog?
So how do you tell when you shouldn't be around another person because it could be hazardous to your own health and only due to the fact that the person has no common sense?

So how do you tell (insert phrase here)?

Directed Letter...

Last night in the grief workshop we did the "directed letter" exercise. This is a letter that you write to the person who has passed away. You can also use this to write to other people who are still living just remember to NOT send it. Especially if you are angry at that person.

So in the exercise you greet the person. You let them know how you are feeling. You let them know what you miss. You write about if you have anything to forgive. or need to be forgiven. There are about 12 items that you can write about. I don't remember them all. I didn't think I would have that much to write, but I filled up one and a half pages of thoughts and feelings.

You also write if you have accepted their death. Mom had a good comment on this, she said she would never accept Gs death. She may learn how to cope with it but would never accept that he died, that it wasn't acceptable that he went through such pain, that it wasn't acceptable that he had to deal with cancer. That none of it was acceptable.

I miss you G. It hurts to be without you. and I absolutely hate those comments of well "you'll never be without him" or "he'll always be with you." OH YEAH, WELL THEN GET HIM ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN!!! and their comment to this is "now you know what I mean, let's be realistic about this." NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE REALISTIC! GET HIM ON THE PHONE, NOW!! I am too without you. Now what?

4 months this week...

The third week of the grief workshop was about skills in coping with your grief. The speakers were very good and provided a lot of good information. I really liked that the speaker was firm about how no one, not your doctor, not your boss, not your family should tell you how to grieve or when to be over your grief. Some people it takes a very long time, for others a short time. The whole process of grief takes time. The small group was very difficult this week. We talked about our fears. KK said she was fearful that she would forget how great life can be and in a moment make the same mistake as her friend who committed suicide this summer. One thing that she remembers is that no matter how much pain G was experiencing he kept smiling and kept going.

I am fearful that I will forget G. That I will forget what he looked like and his personality traits. I believe that is why I watched the video so much. I don't watch it as much anymore.

It will be 4 months this week since G has passed. I'm not so angry anymore. I am sad. I will always be sad. I will always miss him. I will miss his voice. I will miss his laugh. I will miss his quick wit. I will miss his walk. I will miss his intelligence. I will miss his friendliness. I will miss his confidence. He is my big brother and I miss him so very much.