Richard...

As I was riding my bicycle to work the other day I noticed a cat walking diagonally across the road very intent on something on the other side. He was all white except for a black splotch on the right backside of his head. I then heard a screen door slam and a woman yell, " Richard!!!" The cat swung his head around, looked, turned around and immediately went straight home.
I guess he knew that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

It was also interesting to me that this woman would name her cat "Richard" and even more ironic that the cat knew his name. I thought it was pretty funny myself.

We should all be a little more like Richard...intense about some things but always willing to come home right away when called.

Car no vibes...not anything...not even a light...

The continuing saga of the car..went to ballroom dancing, and when I got in my car all I hear is click, click, click. Oh bother...looks like the battery is dead now. Got a jump came home and rode my bike to work today. Now have to get a battery. By the time I am through it will be a brand new vehicle. Geez o peez.

Chocolate Milk...

I woke up Monday morning and went to the milk box to obtain my skim milk (non-fat to those who want to be politically correct) and to my utter surprise and disappointment I had chocolate milk in the box. I thought "not again!!" I was positive the milkman was just not paying attention. What is his problem anyway??? Last week soy milk, this week chocolate milk. I march to the order form feeling positive in my indignation and utter frustration. Once again to my surprise I am the one who made the mistake and ordered chocolate milk. Last week it was soy. What is my problem???

I just don't seem to understand even how to read a milk order form. You would think it would be easy but even the most easiest of activities has become positively overwhelming. KK was absolutely delighted with the problem of drinking chocolate milk this week. Sometimes making a mistake isn't so bad after all.

Chocolate milk anyone??

My Heart Aches...

oh, how my heart aches today. I try to be happy and it feels fake and everytime I laugh I feel guilty for laughing. I am on the verge of tears everyday, each and every moment. When does the hurt and sadness ease? I know it will never go away. I just want the pain to ease just a little.

As for work, I have no focus and I try to shake myself and tell myself to do better. Its not like its that difficult or stressful. Ugh.

staying awake...

I can't seem to sleep anymore. I have been going to bed late say 11pm or midnight and get up at 6:30am (I usually go to bed at 9:30pm). I am exhausted. Yesterday, I took off from work because I couldn't get up. It was such a nice day I should have been golfing. Instead I slept till 9am. Went and had lunch with K at Poor Richards. (I rode my bicycle--so I could have some exercise) came home went to bed again. Such a disappointment but it was all that I could do. I then got up and went to listen to Music in the Park, which I didn't really want to do. It was ok. Not much of anything. I did start the 10 stitch blanket for DF. Hopefully it will turn out.

Today I thought about G. I remember when JB invited me over to hear them play one evening. It was G, Gl and JB. JB was totally not focused and erratically playing his electric guitar. So G and Gl played on their acoustics and just ignored JB (or maybe it was the otherway around--I don't know). At one point G picked a song for them to play and noticed it was a song about love lost and the Gl had written it. G then said hey we don't have to play this if it hurts too much. Gl said what are you talking about? It was homework for us one time we decided to pick a subject and we were all supposed to write something and come back with a song and I was the only one to do it. It's just made up.
G says oh, ok lets play it then. It was pretty funny. all the while JB is playing erratically on his electric guitar -- unplugged because its so bad and the rest of us couldn't hear each other. So funny.

Car vibes...

Well, the car cost me approx. $400 big ones. A wheel bearing went out. And just 2 months ago the cost was $1,100.
Here I sit no longer with two jobs. Oh, how will I pay for this?
Slowly. I need a break.
Maybe give the car to KK and ride my bicycle. But how would I carry my golf clubs?

daily nothings...

I forgot how to add a blog I am following. Will have to figure that out again. I really like Cancer Banter. Had to take my car in for a checkup. There is a front end vibration that is driving me crazy. It started on June 14, and has been driving me crazy since. ugh. Since I ride my bicycle into work 3 days a week I am able to do without it for a little bit. Mom is sad. I am glad she went back to work. She wasn't going to but changed her mind. I wish I could say something but really--- there is nothing to say to make it better. My heart hurts and I am sad.
Mom is very,very sad.

G's Birthday...

Yesterday was Gs birthday. He would have been 46. Gu&B came down to plant a tree in his honor. C seems very sad. Mom didn't care for the tree idea. Its a miniture blue spruce. They had lunch for everyone too. I went out. We ate. And then the rain came. then hail, then more rain. The tree planting idea seemed less appealing as each moment passed. B told a story about G and how when they all first started camping G would take the twins into the woods and he would show them the baby trees and say that they were "happy" trees. It was a special moment for them. The sun came out and Gu started digging. The ground was so hard it was like digging cement. Then it rained again, more sun, then more rain.

It was also neat to sit and talk with Gu & B about their trip in 1996 to Moab, Elephant Hill and Devil's Kitchen. They brought a memento book that Gu had made about the trip. Someone made a journal available for everyone to write in about each day. It was neat to read the entries that everyone made during the trip.

Mom and I sat on the couch during one of the rain pours and looked through the guest book from Gs memorial service at all the signatures. Gs first wood working employer came. The general from the USAF, now retired, came too.
Mom said it all when she said "Its not supposed to be this way." I agreed.
More digging. I finally left. Mom said they finally got it dug and in the hole.

It was a difficult day, and difficult days leading up to it too. The first birthday is over now. This first year is really gonna suck. I'm sad.

Note to Self...

When riding your bicycle to work make certain that you can fit into the clothes you bring to change into. Lucky for me riding my bike to work allowed me enough leway to squeeze into my pants. Now I know why they were put to the side. Good thing I work in the basement and don't have to walk around a lot. Tight pants are the worst to be wearing. ugh

yesterday...one month...

July 8 was exactly one month from Gs passing. I recalled the day over and over again. I am very sad. Sunday will be his birthday. There will be lots of firsts this year. My heart aches.

The Kid is back in town...

KK came into the home happy, smelly and tired from her Fourth of July weekend in Creede, CO. They have the World Champion Mining competition there on the fourth of July. Its pretty fun. I've gone a couple of times. The group of them had fun too. I am happy to have KK home even if I have to ask her to do things that she should already be doing.

Got up to ride my bike to work and she had the keys to the shed because she couldn't find her own. I have asked her not to do this. I had to make her get up today to find them to give them to me. She wasn't happy but if you don't put things back where they belong....
Anyway she found the keys and I got to work on time. Good thing I got up early so she could find the keys in time.

July 4 holiday...

We got July 3 off. This was my first full weekend off since resigning from the prison. It was very nice. I slept in, made some stitch markers; got into an argument with T. Did some knitting and watched a movie. very lazy hazy day.

On the fourth, got up and cleaned my stove top. It was disgusting. Hadn't cleaned it since Jan this year. Then waited to see if T and I were going to keep our plans. He called and asked if I was still mad. I sad no, how about him, was he still aggravated? He said no. We went to his friends then mine and had a nice time.

On the fith, I got up and cleaned the oven part of the stove. Will have to do it again as I am not happy with it. But good enough. Its cleaner. Now I can start baking when its a cold day and making a mess on the stove top again. Made some more stitch markers before knitting group; then headed for knitting group. What a nice weekend. I enjoyed it immensly. I have not had a full weekend for a year. It was great and now I am ready to get back to work.

Air Force Academy dedication...

Mom informed me that the General of the Air Force Academy is so pleased with the recent work that G completed out there before he passed that the General is dedicating the area to his memory. A plaque is being made and will be placed in the area.
Such an honor. I miss G.